STOPPING YOUR PUPPY MIND

We go through our days rarely paying attention to what we are thinking or feeling. We move from one thing to the next, often unaware of the conversation happening inside our own heads.

I have had a number of clients come into my office frustrated because they can't stop dwelling on something—a conversation, a mistake, a relationship, something that happened years ago, or something they are afraid might happen in the future.

One thought leads to another, and before they know it, they have gone down the rabbit hole of despair.

I often give the same advice:

Catch the thought.

Catch it before it takes you somewhere you don't want to go.

And almost inevitably, I hear, "That's easier said than done."

They're right. It is.

Our brains are a little like puppies. They wander off. They get distracted. They run toward things we would rather they leave alone. And just when we think we have them settled, off they go again.

We don't get angry with a puppy for needing to be redirected over and over. We understand that this is how it learns.

Perhaps we could offer our minds the same patience.

Catching a thought doesn't mean pretending everything is wonderful or forcing yourself to "think positively." It means becoming aware of where your mind is taking you.

When you notice yourself beginning the familiar journey—Why did I do that? Why did they say that? What if this happens? What if nothing ever changes?—stop.

Notice it.

There it is. I'm doing it again.

Then ask yourself: Do I want to keep following this thought?

You don't have to solve it. You don't have to argue with it. You don't even have to make it disappear.

You can simply choose not to feed it.

Turn your attention toward something happening right now. Get up and move your body. Step outside. Notice your breathing. Call someone. Put your hands in warm water. Listen to music. Look around the room and remind yourself: I am here, not inside the story my mind is creating.

And then, when the thought comes back—and it probably will—you catch it again.

This is the part we sometimes forget: changing the way we think is a practice.

Every time you catch yourself before disappearing down that rabbit hole, you are practicing something new. You are teaching your mind that a thought can knock on the door without being invited in for dinner.

So don't worry about controlling every thought that enters your mind.

Just get better at noticing which ones you're following.

Catch the thought before the thought catches you.